Party Time!

There are perks to having children. I think perhaps the biggest perk is that now it is socially acceptable to relive my favorite parts of my own childhood. Building sand castles, trips to the zoo and the circus, making up silly games, going sledding and swinging in the park and of course birthday parties.

Didn't you love birthday parties? I did. My mom was a master at birthday parties. Fun themes, games, crafts, snacks and amazing cake. Along the way birthday parties sort of become uncool. Pretty soon it is all replaced by simply "hanging out". If I could only go back to the good old days when my mom would plan a magical day of surprises and laughing.

Of course, it is too late for me. But ah, the magic of parenthood,

My child shall have marvelous parties, as I'm sure my mother said before me and her mother said before her and generations of mothers have been saying for decades. So, maybe birthday parties are as much fun for the parents as they are for the kids. Almost. And one day Charlotte will have a baby and she will remember all the fun she had at her birthday parties and the cycle will continue as it should and probably always will.

Charlotte will be one year old in September and I have started planning her birthday party. It will really only be family and a few close friends. But, come Hell or high water it will be beautiful. She won't understand what is happening, but I will. And really, isn't it all about Matt and I anyway? Isn't it really just a party to celebrate the fact that we have kept a separate human alive for an entire year? We were the ones doing all the work anyway. When Charlotte is older she can have a princess or a fireman or a zoo birthday party and that will also be beautiful. But, this year mama gets to choose and I choose coral and gold.

A few sneak peaks for your viewing pleasure.

 

 

I have high hopes for this party. Perhaps my true test as a mom?

We'll see if I'm a fit mother.

 

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New toy

For my birthday Matt bought an iPad. So, not only did I get an iPad for my birthday, but he gave me the gift of not having to get a gift for his birthday. It is our birthday present to each other. And it is soooooo amazing. It is perfect when I am at home with Charlotte. Our super nice Mac Book Pro has gotten a little trashed over the last year with a baby crawling around and so many trips to see the grandparents, etc. It needs to last a while longer, especially for Matt's school programs. So, for day to day stuff I use the iPad. It is much cheaper to replace if anything should happen to it and there is an Otter Box to protect it. He got it off of Craigslist, but it runs and looks like new. So, I bought a blog app that I am hoping will help me out a little when it comes to my blog. I would love to post a little more often and with the iPad it is actually pretty easy. So, this is me playing around with my blog app. And if you are willing I would love for you to read my future blog posts that I will hopefully get up a little more often. My goal is once a week. Hold me to it, and stayed tuned for some more blog posts.

I'm not really even sure if anyone reads this but I hope at least a few of you do. But even if you don't I enjoy having a place where I can share my thoughts if I so desire. Let me know if there is anything specific you think I should write about. I would love some ideas.

I will leave you with a picture of me one year ago. I am so glad I am not pregnant! So very, very glad!

 

And in case you missed it, we went to the beach today. Look at that sweet face!

 

 

 

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Daddies

I know, my baby is 9 months old. I skipped the 9 month update. Our summer is busy, like crazy busy. We are enjoying every minute of it, well almost every minute. So, writing hasn't been my top priority. Next week Charlotte turns 10 months old and I will write the update for the last two months. For now, have patience. 

I want to take a brief moment and talk about daddies. As a mom, sometimes it is easy to think dads have it so easy. As a first time mom little bits of bitterness can creep in pretty easily. My guess is that I am not the only person to experience this. 

I did not enjoy being pregnant. It was not "my thing". I was sick to my stomach for 3 weeks straight, 24 hours a day. I was hot, my feet were swollen, my baby only liked to live on the right side of my uterus and that hurt all the time. My back was sore, I got Braxton hicks every day for the last couple months and that last couple weeks I would need Matt to help me get into and out of bed because I was in so much pain. Basically, your average pregnant lady. The whole miracle of life thing is overrated in my opinion. (There were small perks, but that is not the point right now.) Matt, on the other hand did not have swollen feet, a sore back or a squished bladder. He was happily living his life like normal with a perfectly healthy digestive track and an average sized torso. So, little by little a tiny bit of bitterness crept in. 

So, by the time I gave birth I was just so freaking excited to not have to be pregnant any longer. Luckily for me I am pretty good at having babies. And honestly, giving birth was easier than the last 8 months. Hooray, the baby is out! All my problems are solved right? Wrong. Breastfeeding was not enjoyable for the first couple months. I pretty much hated every minute of it. It was extremely painful and I almost gave up more times than I can remember. Not to mention waking up 5 times a night for days on end to an annoying crying baby who was only waiting to inflict pain and torture on me. It messes with your mind. I would see Matt laying there asleep and I would contemplate (imagine) picking up the lamp and crushing in his skull while the other part of me wondered what would happen if I just threw the baby across the room. And then he got to go to work in the morning and spend the whole day with adults doing productive things. He was able to complete projects, drive alone in the car, go to the bathroom without a second thought. I loved him, but also hated him. I became claustrophobic sitting at home, alone with a baby that was seemingly going to be attached to me forever. 

And then when Matt did get home at the end of the day he wanted to occasionally talk about things other than the human I just made. Can you believe it? He clearly didn't care about us at all and loved everything more than us. 

Thank goodness things improved rapidly. Looking back I don't really think they were that hard. I think it was mostly the feeling of not knowing when things were going to get better. In that moment it feels like the rest of your life is going to be sitting in a chair trying to convince your newborn that normal babies like to take naps. There will never be a time when you are not doing that.... Never. It is an overwhelming and lonely feeling. It fades though and now I love having a 9 month old. (I wouldn't go back to having a newborn for anything in the world.)

Once you find yourself pulling out of the pregnant/new baby haze things look different. I realize that Matt waited on me hand and foot when I was pregnant. He made me food, ran out to get anything I needed, or wanted and told me 8 million times a day, no you are not fat. He did 80% of the chores without complaining. He moved the majority of our belongings across town without complaining. Honestly, the guy did not complain. He might have started to complain a little after 5 hours of browsing baby clothes with me. I think that is pretty reasonable though. I, on the other hand, complained every minute on the minute. Everything was horrible. I hated everything and no one in the world was having a worse day than I was. Granted, I still stand by the fact that I had it much worse. But, it isn't the guy's fault that he doesn't have a uterus. 

During my labor I could not have asked for a better partner. He did everything I wanted, mostly without me even asking. He was right there in it with me. I think one of the reasons I never felt afraid was because he was there making sure everything was going to be ok. He loved our baby the minute she was born. He stood over her while the nurses worked on her. That is an image I will never forget. It was a scary situation. Our baby needed help. She wasn't perfect. But as he stood watching over her I knew she was safe. I could see how much he loved her. I knew I could trust him with my daughter's life. 

When we brought our baby home Matt was in the middle of his last semester of undergrad. He was also working part time. He also got up close to five times a night with me. He would get me some water, my nipple shield, change Charlotte's diaper or help rock her to sleep. He would do at least one feeding totally on his own. I needed a break, so we supplemented with formula the first couple months.  As the first few weeks finished up he woke up less often with me and Charlotte woke up less often. 

Around 6 months after she was born the fog started to clear. I got a handle on my new role and started to accept the way things were. I then was able to fully realize how awesome daddies are. I stopped being angry that he will never understand what it was like to be a mom and started to realize that I will never know what it is like to be a daddy. Perhaps it is harder to be a mom sometimes. It is hard to be a mom when you are pregnant and sore or your nipples hurt or when you are so deliriously tired you can't even figure out what time it is. It is probably harder to be a mom when there is a baby, especially if you are the one that stays at home. But, I am willing to bet there are times where it is really hard to be a dad. I bet it is super hard going to school full time as well as working part time. I bet it is hard knowing you have to leave your baby every day and go to work. I bet that gets really old. I bet it is scary to think about all the pressures and responsibilities you have to take care of your family better than the next guy. 

Now, I'm not saying it is easy to be a mom. What I am saying is that it probably isn't easy being a dad either. Thank goodness we have a good one here. 

Hands on daddy!