9 month, 10 month, summer update

So, I missed the 9 month update and then I missed the 10 month update. Now Charlotte is 10.5 months old. It is too old to think about. I sort of wish she would just turn one right now so this last few weeks of babyhood didn't need to drag by with a sort melancholy feeling, full of reminiscing. I am so very much looking forward to her toddler years and her little girl years. It isn't that. It is just knowing that the human girl named Charlotte Stuessy will never again be a baby. Her first year of life will be over. There will be many more years, but the very first year, so unlike any other year, will be over. I will miss this baby. I will love this little girl and someday this woman. But, I will miss my baby girl.

This summer has been magical. We have had the full summer experience. I have been blessed and lucky to be able to spend all day, every day with my girl. And my sister being here was the cherry on top. So, I haven't done any updates since May. I will try and catch you up a little bit now. In a lot of ways things aren't changing too much now. In some ways Charlotte changes every day.

 

Eating: Charlotte is nursing a little bit less and eating more grown up food. It is struggle for me to ever eat anything, because as soon as she sees me put something in my mouth she MUST have it. She must have it NOW. So, I ah to make sure what anything I eat I can at least share a little bit with her. This means she has pretty much tried everything, besides peanuts. This also means I am eating a little healthier than normal. I also occasionally give her baby food, especially if we are out and about for the day. She loves those baby food pouches. She is also figuring out how to drink from a cup pretty decently. She didn't show any interest in water until this last month and now she loves to drink out of my cup or her baby cup. She has been eating a lot of veggies we get from our farm share. She doesn't love them all. She does like gnawing on carrots, eating cooked zucchini and fresh green beans. Her most favorite things are carbs. Surprise, suprise. She holds out for her toast in the morning and rice crackers are the best things ever. I try to limit the bready stuff, but it is clearly her favorite of course fruit is also one of her loves. Strawberries are her favorite fruit. Blueberries would probably be her second. I plan to continue nursing until after she turns one. I'm not sure when we will wean. I will probably just see how it goes. Since she has been nursing a little less I am hoping she will wean herself by Christmas. It will be nice to totally have my body back. But I am not in a huge rush.

Her very favorite purée pouch.

First time eating spaghetti

 

Sleeping: Sleeping is not the worst now. For most of the summer she has been doing pretty good sleeping. It is a constant goal to move up her bedtime. I would love for it to be consistent at 8:00. I try pretty much every night. Some nights it might happen, but it is usually more like 8:30-9:00. If I get her really tired out she might fall asleep in the car or in my wrap before 8:00, but that usually happens on accident and she ends up sleeping in her dirty clothes and waking up to eat at 11:00 or something. The last couple weeks we have been struggling with her waking up around 3:00am and crying and crying. Before that she would occasionally wake up sometime in the early morning and she would either just fall back to sleep in her own in a couple minutes or we would rub her tummy and turn on her lullabies and she would pass out. This is something different and horrible. I am hoping it is just a little phase that will go away like all the other phases we have already been through. She is still an early bird, waking up between 6:15-6:45 every day. I will just try and remember this when she is 16 and I can't drag her out of bed. Naps are a little more consistent. Her morning nap is usually from around 9:30-11:00. The afternoon is less predictable. She will usually pass out for almost an hour around 4:00.

Pooping: Not much to say. Everything is going well. We have been battling a rash on her butt for the last couple months. It was a yeast rash that we treated with a special cream. The rash is pretty relentless though and so we have to remember cream at every diaper change or it gets out of control. Poor little girl.

Growing: She is definitely lengthening out now. She hasn't really put on any weight for a couple months, but has grown lengthwise. She still has her rolls and bits of chub, but her body is definitely less baby and more kid now. She has been wearing 12 month clothes all summer. It took awhile for them to fit well. Now that summer is drawing to a close they finally all fit her well. It is hard to know what size to buy her warmer clothes. Is she still going to grow so slowly. If so, it might be a few more months before she fits into 18 month clothes. Guess we will just see. She is wearing a couple of 18 month pants. Her legs are long, and her 12 month pants are all capris.

Nicknames: char-char, sassy pants

Charlotte's favorite things this summer

1. Crawling/walking around in the park

2. Splashing in the splash park/Noahs Ark

3. Removing things from where they are supposed to be and throwing them on the floor

4. Take morning naps in bed with mama and daddy

5. Discovering how to play with all her toys

Mamas favorite things this summer

1. Taking walks with Charlotte

2. Drinking coffee at the public market

3. Watching Netflix with Emma

4. The amazing weather this summer had

5. Watching Charlotte discover new things every day

Charlotte's least favorite things this summer

1. Getting something taken away from her

2. Being told no

3. Not seeing Grammy and Grandpa (ok, that one is me)

Mama's least favorite things this summer

1. 2nd shift

2. Diaper rashes

3. Again, not seeing Grammy and Grandpa

 

Charlotte's new skills

Waves bye-bye

Can take a step or two

Can climb up in the couch, the chair, the table and pretty much everything else

Knows how to throw a ball (although, can't aim)

Is getting very good at picking things up with her thumb and finger

I think this basically sums up my feelings at the moment.

 

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Sisterhood

My sister was here for the summer. She arrived in May and she just left on Wednesday. She is my only sister. Growing up there were times when she was my only friend. She has been by my side since before I was 3 years old. We are similar and yet so different. We find most of the same things funny. We both like to have the same sort of deep conversations. We both have big dreams. We like to do a lot of the same stuff for fun. There are also lots of difference between us. Where my sister is incredibly creative and always thinking of her next project I did not inherit that creative gene. Where my sister would be perfectly content roaming the globe for the rest of her life what I love is a place to come home to, where I can feel comfortable and secure.

 

There are other differences, more than I could list. But that is the beauty of family. Would we have ever become friends if we weren't family? I can't say for sure if we would. I'm fact there is a good chance we would not have. But we are family. There is an intensely fierce love we have for each other. It is unexplainable. It doesn't make sense. I can be absolutely fuming mad at her thinking she is the worst person in the world and the next minute I see her sad and defeated and my heart is breaking for her. I would do absolutely anything to tell her that she is wonderful and perfect.

 

Seeing my sister love my baby girl is a feeling I am unable to describe. It is such a special thing to see anyone love your baby, but when it is someone that I love so much in return it is just perfect. Charlotte had such a great summer with her aunt, who we call tante (the Norweigan word for aunt, pronaunced tanta). The first couple days she was a it hesitant. Once she warmed up though, she was in love. She would smile and giggle every morning when tante would come out of her room. She would crawl to find her tante wherever she may be hiding. Tante came with us to the park, to the beach, to the store, on walks, to church, on weekend trips and to the doctor. There were a few rough times. Babysitting wasn't always easy. But, I was never nervous leaving my daughter with her tante. Even if she cried a little longer than normal I knew Emma loves her and so she would be alright.

 

There is a hole in our family now that my sister is gone. I know there is a good chance we will never live around each other. My sister will probably end up living in Europe or Hawaii. I will probably always wish that she lived closer, but that doesn't mean that we can't be close. She will always be one of Charlotte's favorites. I can't wait to see their relationship grow. I know Charlotte will enjoy fun coffee dates, musical concerts, deep conversations, international travel, roller coaster rides, shopping trips, new experiences and many special times with her tante. I am more than happy to share.

 

We will be cheering for tante from a distance as she journeys on trying to find her place and her purpose in this world. But mostly we will look forward to her next visit.

We all love you Tante!

 

First time meeting Charlotte

 

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My Breastfeeding Story

 

Five years ago if you had asked me to make a list of places I didn't think I would end up I would have said at a breastfeeding awareness walk. It would have been listed between a Japanese anime conference and a Scottish hurling competition. I was never against breastfeeding. I thought it was a lovely and practical part of having a baby. It seemed simple enough. Free baby food. What's the big deal? Why on Earth do we need rallys and walks and clubs? I pictured a happy well rested mother cradling her sweet round baby. They would gaze into each other's eyes. The baby would eat for five minutes every two or three hours. The rest of the day would be spent snuggling and playing.

Oh, pre baby Hattie was such an idiot.

I knew I was going to try and breastfeed my baby when I was pregnant. I knew that formula is a great alternative and perfectly healthy. (I refuse to be a formula shaming mom.) But, I liked the plus side to breastmilk. It is free, it has benefits like helping to avoid allergies and it would help me burn some extra calories also the thought of cleaning 6 or 7 bottles a day made me want to throw up.

The day Charlotte was born I brought my boppy, nursing bras and shirts, nipple cream and breast pads to the hospital. I was blissfully unaware of what lay ahead. When Charlotte was born I got to hold her for about 30 seconds before she was rushed off to the NICU for chest x-rays, oxygen monitoring, etc. I did not get to nurse her moments after birth like I was hoping to. It was another hour before I could see her again, but not hold her and it was another hour after that when I could finally hold her in my arms. I was overhwelmed and confused. I didn't understand what was happening. I was intimidated by the absolutely horrible NICU nurse. I didn't get to nurse Charlotte for probably about 4 hours after she was born. I pumped a lot. She was in the NICU for about 24 hours. I fed her a few times and pumped lots. I hated that pump. My nipples were completely raw and felt like they were on fire. The awful NICU nurse gave my baby formula. She gave her formula without asking me. And then told me giving her formula would get her out of the NICU faster. For the record, that is a horrible thing to tell a mom. Of course I wanted her out if there as fast as possible. I would do anything. Eventually they replaced the formula with the milk I had pumped. I think the fact that I wasn't able to nurse is part of what made the next two months horrific. My nipples hurt so bad from the pump that we were giving her about half milk and half formula for the next couple days. I just couldn't do it. I would just sit there and cry it hurt so bad.

Some awful times were spent in this chair with that breast pump.

Matt taking his turn

 

Eventually the pain was tolerable. It still hurt, really bad, but I wasn't weeping in pain. After that I felt claustrophobic and chained to my chair. This baby wanted to eat all the time. It was not magical. It was annoying. I did not feel some special bond. I felt antsy. In that moment I felt like it would stretch into eternity. I would be sitting on my couch with a nursing baby for the rest of my life and beyond. The timing was unpredictable. I was uncomfortable feeding her in public. And the sound of here cry in the night would inevitably make me cry as well. We were still supplementing with formula once or twice a day, usually once during the day and once at night. Matt would take one shift at night, and give her a bottle so that I could get a solid 4 or 5 hours a night, it is the only thing that kept me sane.

Charlotte was a sleepy eater the first couple weeks. Daddy needed to help keep her awake.

My milk supply was touch and go for the first couple months as well so I would usually end up giving her one bottle during the day as well so I knew she was getting enough. Around 2 months old her pediatrician, who is a lactation specialist suggested trying fenugreek supplements. They are nasty capsules that made my whole body reek of maple syrup, but they worked wonders for my supply. I wasn't afraid of her not getting enough anymore. Also, around the 2 month mark the constant breastfeeding faded, as well as the awful pain every time she would nurse. I had made it through the worst. My goal of making it to a year seemed possible.

 

This is not to say the next 8 months were easy. There have definitely been times I have wanted to give up. It is tiresome at times. But, now that I am so close to my goal I don't plan on stopping now. I'm not sure when I will wean Charlotte. There are times I want to cut her off the day after her first birthday. There are other times when the thought of stopping all our snuggle fests make me want to cry and I think I will nurse her until kindergarten. I guess we will just take it one day at a time.

I have so much loved the snuggles these last 10 months. Charlotte is not by nature a very snuggly baby. The only times she will lay with me and snuggle is when I am feeding her. Because of that I am so grateful for nursing. Because of the joy that nursing has brought me I want others to have the chance to experience this same thing. I want to let others know that it might be really, really hard at first. I want to tell them to not give up if it is hard. I want to tell them it might be worth it to try a little longer. I want to tell them that even if they are pressured by others to just give up, or to not even try, they still can. I want it to be normal and accepted. I want others to see how beautiful it can be, even if it is not beautiful all the time.

Without further delay. Some of my most treasured pictured. Pictures of me feeding my love.

 

 

 

So, this brings us to the breastfeeding walk. This week is national breastfeeding week. The Milwaukee breastfeeding coalition has a walk every year as well as a latch on. Basically a bunch of people... moms, dads, babies, kids, aunts, grandmas, friends met up at a beautiful community garden. We mingled, snacked and adored babies for awhile. Then, all the breastfeeding moms took a seat under the pavilion. At exactly 10:30 we all fed our babies at the same time, until 10:31. This is done in an attempt to break a record. After we finished up with that we all walked a few blocks to the local farmers market where we snacked some more and watched a performance about healthy eating for the kids.

Why did I go? If you are a mom you might understand. Being a mom is just about the most thankless thing someone can do. No one sees what I do all day. No one says thanks all day long. I clean the dishes, change diapers, soothe owies, pick up guinea pig poop, buy the groceries, take trips to the doctor's office and a million other things every single day. No one says "good job, you really did an awesome job vacuuming the floor today! I know you didn't want to, but you did it anyway. You didn't want your baby to find something and eat it so you vacuumed so diligently." I heard about this walk and decided to go. I wanted a pat on the back. I wanted to be around people who understood how difficult breastfeeding can be, or just how difficult being a mom can be. So, I went and I felt proud of myself. They said good job. They said thanks for giving your baby your absolute best. Young women and old women and even men were there to say thanks for all those hours of sitting on your couch crying in pain. They were there'd to say good job making a decision and sticking to it even when it was really hard.

I am proud of myself. In this last year I have done so many hard things. I have learned a valuable lesson about self sacrifice and commitment. Lessons like that are hard, but so worth it in the end.

So, now that this is the longest blog post in the history of blogs I will conclude. Here are pictures from the breastfeeding walk. It was awesome!

 

 

 

 

Oh, and possibly the biggest perk of the event... everyone got free t-shirts. Charlotte even got a onsie!

 

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